Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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