i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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