He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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