..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
