Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
