Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
