I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
