I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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