i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
