no, he came in my armpit
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
