you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
