I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
