WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
