our cab driver is having phone sex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
