Can Purell be used as lube?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
