I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
