I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
