hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
