New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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