Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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