so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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