I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize