Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
