I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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