why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
