just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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