I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dignity is for republicans.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
