I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
