last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
