thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
