I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
