Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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