Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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