So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
