Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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