he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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