Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
