haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
whose parrot is this?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
