I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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