Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Found the puke drawer
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
