I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
