PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
