I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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