drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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