you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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