apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
