chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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