Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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