HIV tests are more positive than that guy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I came so hard my ears popped.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
