Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
