He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
