i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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