she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
