dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
