dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
