I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
