I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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