Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
