I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
