I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
