i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A bitchslap is in order.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
