I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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