I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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