In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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