the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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