if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
