Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
