so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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