i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
