just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
