You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
