My hair reeks of homosexuality.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
