Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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