Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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