i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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