I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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