In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
