I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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