The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
