The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
