I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
