I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
