I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize