it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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