Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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