i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
FUCK WHALES
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
