I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
