I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
