Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
