I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we're so committed to being not committed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
