my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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