my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
do nipples grow back?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
