forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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