i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
