Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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