but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
