So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
