I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
